Grace Notes

There’s a character in the TV comedy program “Saturday Night Live” known as “Debbie Downer.” She makes a point of bringing nothing but negative energy into any topic of conversation. A couple reveal their engagement and she mentions the divorce rate. If someone shares travel plans, she talks about crime, terrorism and infectious diseases in that country. Even when folks are enjoying waffles, she interrupts their pleasure by announcing out of the blue: “It’s official; I can’t have children.” Ultimately, everyone leaves the table or room to avoid her company.

This recalls an Artists Studio Tour I once participated in where many guests turned out to be other artists. This cute sculptor dropped in– a neighbour’s brother. Remarks, observations and questions about my paintings were friendly enough and we also talked about his work. Almost every artist-visitor eventually wants to know where you show, if you have a dealer or prospects. I was in mid-series so nothing was scheduled yet. I happened to make a casual joke about the challenge of finding venues... and it was the invitation he’d been waiting for, to open the floodgates. For twenty minutes, I sat pinned to my couch while he stood in front of me, disgorging vitriol, bile and fury over the art world as he knew it: the limited opportunities available, the confusing, mixed messages delivered by galleries about what they wanted and what sells, the frustration of trying to get a break. Any word I managed to mumble was only used to support further invective. He did stop yelling finally and left. But I wanted to hose down the walls, burn sweetgrass– anything to void the studio of his presence and energy. Since then, no one has quite embodied the word “spew” as much as he. “Chad liked you,” my neighbour winked. “He thinks you’re nice.”

In the never ending process of being an artist, it’s common to overlook or miss the blessings large and small we have received or continue to do so, because struggle seems to dominate our attention. What better way to herald in a new cycle than an inventory of this past year’s luck, abundance and gifts? Hardly a secret that a life in the arts is difficult; many of us were warned before we even started about low income, instability, and rampant rejection. It proved more than true for the majority of us. Yet even I can’t complain forever. So here’s a review of what is often taken for granted or ignored because of focus normally spent on what is lacking. Everything cited ultimately facilitates either my ability to make art or the work itself.

Thank God acupuncture treatments relieve arthritis in my fingers– I painted with less stiffness this year. Ditto for the neck, shoulders and back. In spite of low income, I live downtown in a beautiful area: close to waterfront, parks and gardens. These places calm and restore energy after a depleting week at my job. Even though I’ve never won significant grants from any arts council or endowment agency, my rent has been subsidized for the past 20 years through co-op housing– amounts equal to many of those other cash awards that include an allowable expense for subsistence. Without gallery, dealer, or representation– I still managed to unexpectedly, sell work and get poetry published at the same time. All this during an ice storm. Hallelujah, the cat no longer stalks or ambushes my feet whenever I paint. So grateful, that while sadness will always be part of the human condition, depression visits less often and I know the difference. Fortunate am I, to have people I can share good news and accomplishments with–who will be genuinely happy for me no matter how minor the achievement– which is all I really want from them. Glad to learn that I’m not a complete snob, can find inspiration anywhere, in sources as disparate as reality TV and Shakespeare. Hate to admit it, but career disappointments, failures and obstacles produced articles others related to the most. And while it annoys me that I had to endure these experiences in order to write about them, I must accept how much fun it is to tell the stories.

Happy Art-making New Year to everyone!